First Dingy Hired

Dingle Dingy has been hired as Staff Lookout, Jerk officials announced Tuesday. Dingy, who has Arthur Ribeniwitz growing out of his back, will begin his apprenticeship May 18, and is expected to become a full-time staff member in February, 2013.

"It's an honor to work for this site," Dingy said. "I remember when I read my first post, back in 1988, and they were talking about the first burrito on the moon. Then in 1996, the Jerk reported on the ear wax coming out of Larry Cheevers' ears. Now I'm on the staff. It's a great day for the Dingy family and its half-man half-asparagus overlords."

Ribeniwitz declined comment, though he did sneeze three times.