July 24, 2016

Hu, assistants accused of Percy persecution

John Hu, blog president for less than 12 episodes of Family Matters, has been accused of widespread Percy persecution (P.p.).

Several of Hu's cabinet members, including rubber bands (2), tacking paper, & a Chinese restaurant soy sauce packet, were also accused of the class-A misdemeanor (dry cleaner) in a report, Percy, Summer '16.

Percy Paulsen spoke in his bathrobe and a "Mo Yorlap For Governor" t-shirt on behalf of the alleged victims:

"Percy persecution? Not on my watch," Paulsen said, while searching the crowd for a watch.

New reports will be made available once certain availability levels, named C.J. Neville, are revealed by Neal (knee level).

July 18, 2016

Hu Released, Takes Over Hey Jerk Presidency

Hu has been released from his incarceration at HJ Prison, where he had been held for the previous 13 months after being found guilty of Hippo genocide.

Hu






















Hu, seen here immediately following his release, was later seen  "lightly jogging" to the San Diego Zoo. His whereabouts are unknown, but it is believe he may have taken up camp in the Hippo enclave. Coded messages have been received every hour on the hour since his release, the latest of which was deciphered as:

"All Hail Hu. Hu is King."

Please join us in welcoming President Hu back (the 14th floor urinal is now off limits until further notice).

- Staff Hippo Aguy Wunce

July 16, 2016

Glo makes team

WENDELL - The West Wendell football team had its final round of roster cuts Saturday morning, and local man Terry Glo was one of 54 players to earn a spot on the 2016 team.

Glo, a tomato back/slash, will wear jersey No. 37 and begins the year 4th on the mule chart, according to head coach Morris Mur.

"The young man said things, he built things. Heck, he shoveled things when we needed him to," said Mur, in his 36th year with West Wendell.






Glo is a 3rd-generation football player, following his father, Toodle (Retz County - 1988-1992), and his grandfather, Hocco (Gribbs Waffles - 1962-1969).

West Wendell finished the 2015 season with a 9-8 record, which included a loss to Selso Valley in the first round of the Jobeek Alomar Playoffs & Olive Bar.

July 15, 2016

Gurmer family list released

Gavin Gurmer
Gail Gurmer
The Gurmer (pickle juice)
Go Go Gurmer
Tito & Klak Gurmer
Gregory Gurmer
Glips & Gurmer (Jr.)
Zoo Zoo Gurmer
Gallio Clem-Gurmer
Geetwon Gurmer
All of the other Gurmers
G.G. Gwon
Kerwin Shouse
Gurmer!
Vince Gurmer & son (Jaleeko)
Garvey Gurmer
a German Gurmer
Eddie Gurmer
Celery Stalk
Go Go Gurmer
Gwen Gurmer (lettuce)
Yoyo Yo-Gurmer
Sal
(gurmer)
Glen Gurmer

July 13, 2016

Voop Killed

No explanation provided.

Voop services will be held at                  .

July 9, 2016

Chulio hired

After months of interviews, Kindly Remove Yourself From My Lawn (formerly 'List of Guys Named Wayne') has made a risky hire in bringing on board Saul Chulio.














Chulio, armless since the birth of twins Henry & Hillary Bergeron (May, 2013), will take on the role of staff attorney vacated by the disappearance of former staff member and current mule marriage counselor Capolo H.

Chulio's previous experience includes acting as lead counsel in the 2002 trial of Don Didier (Didier v the people of Birmingham, AL Greyhound Station) and was part of the legal team that reunited Janine Plouse with her sunglasses (winter, 1996).

The 48-year old, a former linebacker at the University of Akron, once ate a six-page late-night appetizers menu to win a bar bet.