March 26, 2014

The Fundos

The Fundo family list has finally been released, according to a piece of paper that contained the list. We've obtained it in accordance with the Zandor Plub Jr. Act of 1998, which prohibits discrimination against women named Beth.
 
Fundo family spokesman Yobblo Paz refused comment pending the 77-year old's wax paper licking trial.
 
 
The Fundos
 
Lawrence "Larry" Fundo
Alfonso Fundo
Alfonso "Lil Alfie" Fundo Jr
Tommy "Two-Tones" Fundo
Bertund Fundo Sr.
Bert Fundo Jr.
Bertie Fundo III
Alfredo Garcia-Fundo
Yamika-ka Fundo
Ed Fundo Sr.
Eddie! Fundo Jr. (TM)
Rectal Thermometer Fundo
Horatio "Applesauce" Fundo
President Ignatio Fundo
Fester Fundo
and finally....
Stinky Feet Fundo Jr.


Some final comments on the list:

"It's influential, I'll tell you that much. Like the first landing on the mule."

- Vanessa Mindlich-Briles

"Milkpacks on a flint-rack, baby. Shoot, Canada never pushed a tie-cheese on my big toe. Clem....Ernie.....even Percy.... they be doing them grandpabagelfights."

- Gilbert Gloss

March 25, 2014

2014 Chili Gas Man of the Year


Frozengard Consumed by Mule

In somewhat expected news this morning, former Staff Elephant Chuck Frozengard was eaten late last night by a mule (Phil).

Frozengard (DEAD)




















It is believed that Frozengard approached Phil the Mule after a "road-rage" incident occurred between the two. Bystanders have stated that Frozengard was driving "clearly over 75 miles per hour" in reverse down a local side-street when Phil the Mule verbally accosted Frozengard. After a brief shouting match, Frozengard slammed the brakes and exited his vehicle, believed to be a 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee.

"He removed all of his clothing and ran violently towards Phil" stated local resident Bob Bobbalo.

Details get murky at this point, though it is known that Frozengard was consumed during a candlelight vigil outside the Bobbalo home. A bottle of merlot was served by Phil the Mule to all in the audience.

Services will not be held for Frozengard, as he has already been flushed down the toilet.

- Staff Mule Reporter Gerry Muleman

March 23, 2014

Murray Torkelson's family

Murray Torkelson (egg sandwich)

Luni-Bwy Torkelson (wife)
Shish Torkelson (daughter)
Little Murray Torkelson (son)
Zorch Torkelson (son)
Juan Yessup (ant)
Hee-Hu (parakeet)
Blubb Pershack (mailman)