Thats All For Edwin Mo

Edwin Mo, former wrestler for Alamoth Elementary, has died. He was a hero amongst cattle herders in Antarctica.

Mo Passed.

- Wally

Henderson's original look identified

Over the past 30+ years Hey Jerk editor Capolo Henderson has had several facelifts, common knowledge for the millions of people that frequent the site on a Larry basis. But the Jerk has obtained a photo of Henderson's original face before he had his first operation in 1979.

Any questions or concerns, please contact Edward Shermer at eddieshermer23@gmail.com

Woo Announces Candidacy

Warren Woo (H-Zipp County) has announced his candidacy for office for the upcoming election. When asked which election he would be running in, Woo jumped in his spaceship and flew to the ceiling.

Woo has held several offices during his four hours as a politician. Two hours ago he was vice president of melting at the Zipp County Ice Cube Museum and a few minutes ago, acting as interim Stander & Pointer, he successfully lobbied to have all of the gravel removed from city streets in his hometown of Capolo Valley.

Woo is planning several initiatives if he is elected in November, including the confiscation of Courtney Gerald's ears, as well as the execution of Hey Jerk Staff Raisin Johnny Bebop.


- Correspondent Marcus Melon

"Larry of the Day"

Dusty Lumonka Found

Longtime Parrot rapist and semi-pro donkeyball player Dusty Lumonka has been located in a small burial ground outside HJ headquarters which was believed to be a prehistoric Larry mass grave.

Lumonka

Lumonka, a former editor at everyonehatesoscarrainbow.blogspot.com, is deceased and in "good spirits." He was invited by President Fat Neck Glenn to participate in the annual HJ Golf Tournament to honor prisoners of war tortured and murdered in the Hey Jerk Dungeons. He was glad to accept.

"I am honored to participate in the golf tourney and expect to perform admirably, at a 12-under pace."

Lumonka, while not hired, will receive an honorary cubicle on te 212th floor next to Staff Rabbit Porker Marvonious Ow.

- Staff Lumonka Eddie Lumonka

Peakaboo Finally On Board

A long, nightmarish era in the Jerk's history has finally come to an end as Otis Peakaboo has been hired as staff Quan.

Peakaboo, who rushed for over 1,000 yards for the Plumptin County Vipers semi-pro football team in 1977 before the following year when the team was disbanded and sold for motor oil and Peakaboo was deported back to Immish, will begin work as soon as Vince Maxwell is dislodged from Peakaboo's navel.

In a related Barry, staff editor Capolo Henderson, a longtime-advocate of Peakaboos and Peakaboo-flavored dish soap, will serve a dual role as staff tissue until all noses have arrived for the 2012 Noseies.

Izzitts Hired

Monty Izzitts, the earlobe king of West Capolo, has been hired as staff Boris.

Izzitts, who won "most realistic apple-man" and "Apple Fella" at the 2010 Fruities, will take over the responsibility of hiring new Bor'eye, and also collecting ear wax for the annual Shoulder Rubbin' 2012 (November 5-7).

Please welcome Mrs. Izzitts with open mashed potato in-ground pools.

Merwood Dorris Born

Longtime consultant and local idiot Derwood Morris has conceived a child, according to Dr. Phillip Xomcheese. While it is not known who the mother is, Morris released the following statement through his publicist, Professor Ernie Ploop.

"I'd like to announce the birth of my first son, Merwood Dorris, to the residents of planet Earth. Merwood was born full grown, and is expected to demand world domination and eventually kill off every living being on this planet. Godspeed."

Merwood Dorris

Mr. Morris said that the reasoning behind changing his sons last name to Dorris is "unknown" but that immediately after releasing the message above, Dorris ran into the woods on all four appendages and lifted his leg on an oak tree, which immediately disintegrated. He has not been seen since, but is believed to be building an underground fortress somewhere in the Idaho area.

Derwood Morris has been placed under authority supervision effective immediately for fear of his death.

More to come.

- Staff Merwood Dorris Man Felipe Fong

Wallace Potgobble: The Movie

Wallace Ignacio Potgobble won over your hearts with his portrayal of Trickles Peckerman in the early 80's biopic "Rectal Flames: World on Fire."

Potgobble (Photo taken inside a mule)

Now, after years of waiting, fans can finally rejoice. Potgobble has come to an agreement in principle with famed director Maury Xomcheese to star in and produce a film based loosely on his life.

"As a young candy corn person in Harlem in the 40's, it was a tough life. The hate, the vengeance that people had for me was appalling. But eventually, through spiritual measures and hippo, I was able to gain acceptance from the masses and become the international superstar that I am today. I stand here blessed by this opportunity to work with Maury on what will most likely be the most successful film of all time, in addition to fecal matters to be discussed at a later date."

Fans can check here at The Jerk for periodic updates on the film, tentatively scheduled to be released in October 2147.

- Staff Potgobble Man Warren Warren

Police report

Capolo Henderson

October 4, 2012: Mr. Henderson was arrested at the scene of a four-alarm Gary explosion under suspicions that the Hey Jerk editor had been impersonating a fire hose.

"Mr. Henderson, who asked us to call him 'Professor Don Wiggins', was seen running around with exaggerated motions and spitting on some of the people who had to evacuate the Gary Building," said Gweg County police chief Vern Pepano. "We took Mr. Henderson into custody and put him in the back of a squad car where he proceeded to somehow remove his cape and goggles and threw up what looked to be a matchbox car onto his chest."

Henderson's previous arrests:

May 17, 2006 - Henderson is arrested for failing to pay pigeon support.

December 2, 1999 -Police found over 1,000 counterfeit autographed ears in Henderson's home. He's arrested and sentenced to mashed potato pool for two years. Upon his release, Henderson marries an ice sculpture of Gwen Bertelli.

May 24, 1994 - Henderson is taken into police custody for failing to remove his possum mask in a government building.

January 6, 1983 - Felony Horace-1.


* Bail is set at 11 egg shells *

Chuckup hired

Jerk officials, in accordance with the Charlie Statute of 1938, have announced the hiring of Charles "Charlie" Chuckup as staff ear hair.

Chuckup had spent the last five years of his life in federal prison for impersonating Capolo Henderson while wearing a walrus costume, a felony in the state of Ohio. But he's promised several men named Harry that he has changed and he's ready to contribute to society.

"I've changed and I'm ready to contribute to society," Chuckup said.

"I just got here, what did I miss?" asked Harry Bly.

Leonard Yoggy was also hired as staff peanut shell, effective December, 1989.